Thursday night my parents called and asked to come out... all I could do was pretty much cry. They were out Friday morning. Knowing that you have people who care about you is amazing... knowing these people want to do things for you is awesome... letting them do both is crazy difficult. Jared and I are set in our ways, independent, and mainly self-sufficient. Knowing the doctors saying "make a list for people to do for you and LET THEM DO IT" really hasn't hit.
I'm on bed-rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I have bathroom and microwave privileges at this time. Meaning that I need to be laying down 95% of my day... as most of you know we have a dog who's a baby but really NEEDY! And I can't really sit still! We just signed up for NetFlix so we can stream videos on the XBox and I have one more thing throughout the pregnancy to keep me occupied. Jess and Scott (Jared's sister and brother-in-law) got me an emergency bored box! I'll be tapping into that soon!
As for this time and how it's affecting me and more or less Jared...
We knew it was a possibility, but as Jared said... going in with two strong beating hearts and leaving with one really makes you think. As soon as I saw the ultrasound my heart skipped a beat and my first words were "she's not moving". I had no tears, I had no questions, I had nothing. Jared, nearly the same but almost physically ill. Seeing Lorelei's heartbeat "normal" as it has been and her fluids moving freely eased our pain just minimally. The doctors came in and as personable, caring, professional, and loving explaining their idea of what happened. We asked for time alone multiple times but were intruded on for multiple reasons... but as soon as everyone passed through we got time to speak to each other, or just sit. The hospital is amazing, our team was so loving and caring and personable... we couldn't of asked for anything more. We left later that morning to go home and rest until Monday.
Friday morning I woke up with a muscle ache and it wouldn't go away. So after jumping from the OBGYN to the MFM HR they admitted me to see what was wrong. We got to see Lorelei and hear her strong heartbeat. I think that alone relaxed us even more. The doctors here are great, but not as personable as Cincinnati (go figure). They monitored me and let me go with a pain medicine since Tylenol was not working. Going into the high risk doctors office I let it all out. Everything I was feeling just came out in tears. Jared held on tight and Dr. Carol held my hand. I could not even look at the ultra sound, for the image that is permanently engraved in our heads. Once they said she looks great I looked up to see her moving. At that point I realized that it's extraordinarily difficult to erase a painful memory from your mind... at night and throughout the day I see that last ultrasound at Cincinnati and it scares the hell out of me.
So we go back to Cincinnati on Monday (tomorrow) and have to be there at 8am for an ultrasound, then 10:30 for an echo, and then 3pm for a team meeting to review all their findings and where to go from there. Please keep your prayers going for all of us and our doctors that they can monitor us weekly for a successful remainder of the pregnancy. After tomorrow I will do my best to call everyone throughout the week who have been amazing enough to call me and send their love.
We will always know and love you Maddison and pray that you will be an angel for Lorelei to let her know that she's always going to be loved and special because she has you.
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