To LIfe

Despite the best efforts of our medical team, Maddison Olivia Smith went to her eternal home during the night. The image of her still body on the ultrasound with no heartbeat I don't think will ever leave me. Although I know intellectually we made the right decision to go ahead with the surgery, and that it gave both of them the best possible chance for survival, its hard to feel good about a decision when you go in with a live kicking baby with a strong heartbeat and come out with a dead one. I still feel happy about the vastly improved chances for Lorelei, but the moment is beyond bittersweet.

To spare any questions on exactly what happened: we decided to go ahead with selective fetalscopic laser surgery to sever the placental connections between the twins. The importance of doing so is that if one twin dies while they are connected the sudden catastrophic loss of blood pressure will kill or cripple the other one. During the surgery they were able to estimate that Maddison had only about a 15% share of the placenta. Generally to have a good chance of survival a fetus needs at least 20%. Now, some babies do make it on less, and we were hopeful, but realistically there was not much chance she could have been nourished to a viable size in time to be born. We're not sure exactly how she died, but mostly she just wasn't connected well enough to make it.

We wholeheartedly appreciate all of the prayers and support, please continue to pour it out on us as we have a long road ahead with Lorelei and making sure she comes healthy into this world. Lorel will be on bedrest the duration of her pregnancy, meaning she's more or less confined to the house. This will provide some interesting challenges, but you do what you gotta do. Peace and Love to all.

Rest In Peace

Maddison Olivia Smith

11/5/09

We never got the chance to meet you but we love you with all our hearts.