T-minus 24 hours

Lets pray and hope Lorelei is ready!

Photo shoot tomorrow at 12:30!

So many emotions

Well as you know Friday was the day for her to come home... it didn't happen. She had a self resolving brady that took too long. And they told us they will reevaluate over the weekend for sending home on Monday. But I am totally in a place right now that I cannot believe anything I am hearing. I am angry, frustrated, sad, hurt, etc.

Lorelei is almost 6lbs (about 3 ounces away)... people always say, "oh 5lbs is when they send babies home!" Well she hit that way back... "when they eat on their own!" We hit that a few weeks ago... "when they are gaining weight and keeping their temp in a crib" that's long behind us... So try and feel why we're so angry. I want to scream at them, curse and punch the doctors in the face. But really... it's not their fault, they are sending us home with a HEALTHY BABY GIRL who won't need to be monitored... but can I still do those things? I want my daughter. She is almost 2 months old and I have missed so much. I just want to quit my job because emotionally I can't handle it. Everyone keeps telling me I'm strong, we're strong, etc... well I think that's over. God doesn't give you things you cannot work with/handle. Well I'm at my breaking point. I'm done. I want her to be home for my parents to be with her...

More pictures

Hey grandma what are you lookin at??

OMG that is a huge butterfly!

Doubly Great Aunt Barbra

Just gotta have faith...

So Lorelei has hit multiple milestones since the last post. She has gotten her feeding tube out; hit over 5lbs; is breastfeeding and bottle-feeding like a champ; and pooping without any difficulty! (She will not be getting any boyfriends smelling like that! Maybe that's a good thing :-P)

So Lorelei has a common Preemie condition of Brady Cardia (the brain doesn't tell the heart to beat). Babies overcome this sometime after the 36th week gestation when born prematurely. Now, most babies who are born early aren't realeased until after 36-37 weeks. Tomorrow Lorelei will be 36 weeks. She had two brady's last night that she did not self recover from. The nurses had to shake her (not like shaken baby, just kinda poke her) to wake her up and stimulate the brain. No use of anything, so it isn't "that serious", but serious enough that if she was home we may have walked in and found her not breathing... I have to thank God that she is where she is... but it's almost impossible not to be mad, angry, scared, hopeless, etc... Lorelei is still so far ahead than the average baby, but I cannot stop being filled with hurting emotions knowing the first 5 weeks of her life are behind us and we've been with her about 48 hours total. Is that fair? Here are the pictures we have not posted yet. Check out snapfish or facebook for the rest!

With Doubly Great Aunt Belinda

Happy St. Patty's Day! In Great Aunt Cathy's blankey!

I am too cute...

Great Grandma, Grandpa, and Pa!

I caught them sleeping with the blanket over both of them... Jared caught me taking a picture. More pictures are on Snapfish and Facebook.

update

Sorry it's been so long since the last update. I will update more later but as of now Lorelei's only thing she is waiting for is to stop her bradys. She had two last night that needed stimulation. It's just getting harder and harder to wait. I have many pictures to post, but right now I am at the NICU and don't have my computer cord for the camera. When I get the time I will get it done. Now it's at least 7 days until she can come home... I really don't feel like I have the strength.

more pictures

Mommys first time trying to dress me! She stinks!

Happy birthday pocket sized baby!

Lorelei's big girl bed!

Lorelei in her big girl bed!

Lorelei with the healing rosary from Grammy's friends at school.

Great Grandma Smith!

So life is busy (haha go figure!); work, nicu, life, nicu, work, nicu... as you can imagine driving to the NICU takes quite a bit out of us. She is where she needs to be. But I cannot stop thinking that I need her home now. She's been hitting her milestone necessary to come home except for stopping her brady's. Now they have decreased significantly! But they have not stopped... I cannot help but think she won't ever get over them and will stay in the NICU forever. It's her birthday and I want her home... is that too much to ask? And then there is Maddison...

Here are the pictures I promised.

Big girl bed~

My pocket sized baby is in a big girl bed! I will post pictures when I get the camera charged. She has a few steps left to come home.

-Master eating (waking up; rooting; suck, swallow, breath; staying awake)

-Continue to gain weight

-Maintain her body temperature

-Have 7 days without any episodes (brady cardia)

I believe eating, weight, and temp are going to be under control within a week... and fingers crossed the brady (low heart rate) ends the following week. We're hoping for this little girl to be home by the time my parents come out! We're expecting some set backs... hoping for none... but trying to be realistic.

Keep her in your prayers. We enjoy watching her grow each day... she is becoming more aware each and every day. I feel horrible leaving her and feeling like she is bored when she wakes up and no one is there... there's just a cover over her head.

Week one of work was down, and week two has begun. This will be interesting, managing my life an work. Please pray for our family as we transition back into the working world!

With family

Grammy and PopPop I can't wait till you can hold me and squish me! I'll make sure to stay pocket size so you don't miss out :) Love Lorelei

Look at those eyes!

Mommy stop squishing me!

With cousin Erica!

With Grandpa Jeff

With Grandma Ronda

20 days old!

Sorry it's been a while since the last post. I have started back to work and have been staying extremely busy! Unfortunately, my days are not going to be as easy as this last week... but I am excited to get back into the swing of things. Jared has also been busy. This coming weekend he has a fencing tournament to attend in Columbus Ohio.

Oh our baby girl Lorelei! She's been doing so well. This week we started actually breastfeeding and bottle feeding. She is doing so well and slowly getting better each day. So her requirements to come home now are transitioning into a crib and maintaining her body temperature, and mastering feedings (bottle and breast). She weighs 4lbs 6-7oz! She's getting to be a porker!!!

So here are the latest pictures of our little girl! It's getting harder and harder to leave her. She's becoming more awake, aware, and babyish.